Ego
by typingfasterthanyou
Summary: to whomever may find this,   hi, my name is sonny You may have known me from so random or my website, but if you dont its ok. He broke up with me& I cannot live with it anymore.Because of this I am jumping from this bridge love sonny, p.s it was chads ego


**Heyy guys! so please dont kill me, I know its been a while. But yeah i've been very busy. And when I got around to writing I couldnt ever decide what to write so I have had like 10 different chapters and oneshots going, but this is the first one of them that i've ever completed.**

**So this is a bit different from my usual writing style, I usually write channy humour/romance but this is a angst/tragedy so its very dfifferent. I hope its okay, I tried REALLY hard on it! Please review on it, I need to know if I can write this way or not.**

**GUESS WHAT? I turn 14 next week exactly 1 week today (23rd september) me Riona, turns 14 :D I CANT WAIT im going out for a big meal with all my friends and im getting aa ipod touch 4th generation HOW AWESOME!**

**if anyone wants to get me anything... nah just kiddin but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee im propa excited :D**

**yeah, back to the story. Its my very first song-fic so once again i'm not sure what it's like. I really hope its gurd :) the song itself isnt actually not as depressing and suicidal as this fic makes out, Its just my writing. I love the swong though :D**

**disclaimer: so I dont own swac or the saterdays, if I did, I =d use the staurdays to advertise saterdays every day of the week so NO SCHOOL! but no, I dont even own an ipod touch YET**

**this is completely in sonnys pov except a tiny bit at the end which is 3rd person**

_We used to go together.  
Looking after each other. _

'Chad!' I said, taking his hand and pulling him closer

'yeah sonny?' he asked me, looking deep into my chocolate brown eyes with his ice blue ones

'I love you!' I said quickly, his eyes widened

'I love you too sonshine!' he said, and he leaned down to press his lips to mine. He saved me that day,

_flashback_

I saw the silver blade of the razer glint in my shaking hand. I gulped and wiped the sweat from my brow.

'he'll never love me' I whispered, slowly bringing the blade to my pale wrist. But before it could draw blood I heard the slam of a door closing so itured, only to see Chad Dylan cooper runnning across my living room. He pulled the razer out of my hand and pushed me roughly onto the sofa

'sonny! What the hell were you thinking?' he shouted, throwing the razor onto the table and running his fingers through his blonde hair. I winced back from the loud noise of his voice

'i-i just needed to get away from it all' I stuttered, a tear running down my face

'away from all what, sonny?' he asked, sitting down on the sofa next to me, wiping away my tear

'the fact that he'll never love me' I said, the tears threatening to take me again

'who?' he asked

'you' I said, and I looked timidly up at him, his ice blue eyes widened, staring straight into the depths of my chocolate brown one's

_I thought that you were better,  
Look at you, _

I ran in through the door of my apartment, tears streaming down my face, leaving lines of mascara that had run. I'd gone in today all dressed up, expecting him to have done something nice for the 2 year anaversary of him saving me and loving me. But when I got to the studio, I saw him there with portlyn, her giggling at the front cover of tween weekly, which was a picture of those two kissing at a Hollywood club, with Chad arm around her waist. I dropped the photo of us both smiling that I had got him for our aniversary, where I stood in the doorway to Mackenzie falls. The picture shatered in half, leaving us on either side of the huge crack across the glass.

The last thing I heard before running out of there was Chad calling my name. But I didnt turn, not this time. I wouldnt do it again. I wouldnt be sucked into his lies. Back at my apartment, I wondered what the lie would be this time; publicity stunt? That he was drunk an dit wouldnt happen again? I sunk onto the sofa where he saved me. I saw a copy of the latest edition of tween weekly spread acros the place where he put the razor that time, 2 years ago. Pinned to it was a note in chads handwriting reading:

_i'm sorry_

_-cdc_

I leaned over the note, my tears smudging the writing. As I read for the 10th, ,11th , 12th time I felt the anger rize up inside me. I grabbed the magazine and leaned out of the apartment window

'I HATE YOU Chad Dylan COOPER' I screamed throwing the magazine out of the window and watched it fall to the feet of the blonde haired, blue eyed boy himself. I stared at him with angry eyes from my 3rd floor apartment. 'I really do'

_You used to be so laid back.  
You always kept it so cool,  
I loved you cause of all that,  
that's the truth _

I remembered how he forgot our 3rd date. I remembered confornting him about it, in front of his Mackenzie falls cast mates

'Chad! How could you?' I shouted across the room. he lazily looked up, saw me and walked over sloly and casually

'how could I what? Look so good? I know!' he said, conceitedly, but on the inside I thought it was cute

'no, how could you forget our date?' I said quietly, so the gathering crowd of dram-snobs had to lean in closer so they could hear

'what date?' he asked, lying down on a nearby massage table. 'swedish massage' he said, to the nearby masseuse

'last night. you. me. Our 3rd date' I said, bluntly

'wh-ah-ah-ah-ah di-i-i-i-d w-e-e-e-e-e-e?' Chad said, in time to the massage he was being given. His face was in the little hole thingy so I walked over and pulled it up to face me

'yes, we did' I said, then I dropped his head back down again.

'oh, right' he said, finishing off the massage and standing up again. 'logan berry smoothie?' he offered me

'yes, but thats not the point' I said, taking a sip of my smoothie 'what were you doing last night that was more important than our 3rd date?'

'er rehearsing' Chad said, but portlyn looked at him

'but we wer-' she started but Chad elbowed her

'a bah ah, rehearsing' he said 'for what I need to do now, 3rd date secind chance tonight, eight o'clock, love you' he then walked out to film and I couldnt help it but smile. If only I had known then what he'd really been doing that night, maybe I wouldnt have been like that then. I loved him for how cool he was, he made me love him and thats just how it was.

_I don't think you know where your head is,  
I was always there to help you break the fall.  
_

He came to my dressing room the first time the press turned on him. He came in the door, his hair a mess and a clump of reporters outside the door behind him. He took each of my hands to steady himself.

'sonny!' he said 'sonny, they've, they've _look_' he said, shoving the lastest copy of tween weekly in my face. The headline said CHAD DYLAN COOPER CANNOT ACT and the article started _in the latest poll, the best actor on a tv show is Nico harris, followed by Grady mitchel and devon from mr coopers own show. The best actress was shown to be sonny munroe, followed by tawni hart and portlyn, also from Mackenzie falls..._

'oh Chad, i'm so sorry' I said, pulling him into my arms

'I cant believe you got highter than Chad Dylan cooper' he said, conceitedly. I pushed him away

'I cant believe I was comferting you, you jerk!' I said 'get out of my dressing room'

'no no no please, I was just joking, please! They'll kill me if I go out there' he begged when I put my hand on the door

'okay then, you can say here' I said, and he hugged me tightly, his arms around my waist, my arms on the back of his neck. I let him stay at mine for 2 weeks after that, until the excitement died down. I was always there for you, but now, you cant be here for me. Because you're the one that broke me. Theres nobody to comfert me now, and I wont be there to comfert you, when all this dies down about your new 'girlfriend' and they all leave you. Just like you left me.

_And now you wanna pretend that you a superstar,  
And now you wanna us to end, what's taking you this far.  
don't tell me that your done as far as we go,  
you need to have a sit down with your Ego _

so I was sat on my own, crying in my room after seeing you with _her_. I didnt know what to do so I just sobbed for hours on end. Suddenly my phone buzzed from across the room. It was still on silent because I hadnt wanted anything to disturb us on our anniversary. HA as if there had ever been an us, it'd been just you and your ego, with me coming along for the ride. I sniffed and got up, I walked over to my phone slowly, feeling no reason to be quick. My life was over. When I got there I picked it up and the message box was over my background. I was glad so I didnt have to see his ugly egotistic jerk-face. I had two messages. One fron tawni, and one from _him._ I opened the one from Chad first, curious in spite of myself. It just said

**turn on tween weekly. You need to see this**

**-CDC**

I sighed and opened the message from tawni. In the past two years we had become best friends and it turned out tawni hart has a heart.

**Sonny, you better see this. Put tween weekly on and you'll understand. I told you he's no good, but you didnt listen to me. Just watch it and dont blame yourself for this, its just his ego talking. Dont blame me either, remember, I told you so**

**-tawni**

as I closed the messge, my phones homepage showed and I saw the picture of me and Chad, him with his arm around me and me hugging his waist. I clenched my free fist and threw the phone t the ground, shattering the screen leaving a picture of me and chad with a crack down the middle of us. I wondered what was going on with tween weekly, that I _so _needed to see. So I picked up the remote from the coffee table and switched the tv on. It was on the condor studio's tv channel so I turned it over right away because Mackenzie falls was on, Mackenzie and _portlyn _were on, kissing no less. So I switched the channel to avoid gagging. Tween weekly had started 10 minutes and was in the middle of an interview with Chad... WAIT CHAD? he was in the middle of a sentence:

'yeah, so we're together now' he said, giving his signature cdc smile and leaning back in his chair casually

'but what about your girlfriend of two years, holly-woods good girl, sonny munroe?' santiago heraldo said, inquisitively.

'well, the spark had been fizzling out for some time now, and neither of us were doing anything about it. So I decided to step in, I felt an attraction to portlyn so I went with my feelings. The truth is, I never truly loved her, I thought I was, but it turns out it was just a teenage flig' he said. I put my hand up to my face and felt around my eyes. But they were dry, I was past caring, I wouldnt shed another tear for him. He's just a player, and I was sucked into his game.

'a fling that lasted 2 years?' santiago asked, looking concerned, but it was just acting, I coiuld tell

'yeah, well i'm Chad Dylan cooper, I can do what I want!' Chad said half defensive and half conceitedly. I turned the tv off, I couldnt bear to watch anymore.

'yes, but you cant do what you want with me anymore, Chad' I whispered, walking to the corner of the room. I pulled up the loose floorboard and took out the forbidden blade. The one Chad hid, but I found it when I stubbed my toe on the bit of the floorboard that stuck slightly up. I placed the cool blade of the razer of my palm and took a deep breath. I felt a sense of de-ja-vu overwhelm me as I slowly brought the blade to my pale wrist, I pressed the razer on to it hard and the blade pierced my paper-thin skin with ease. Rather than pain, I felt releif as the birght red blood ran down my wrist and down my arm. It ran on my sleeve and pooled in my lap, soaking into the fabric of my yellow sun-dress.

_When everyone's gone and you all by yourself,  
You know that you gonna come to me for help.  
don't tell me that its time for going solo  
you need to knock some sense into your ego_

after that I mopped up the blood, and changed into a top and jeans. I just sat on the sofa, ripping up the many pictures of him and the couple of both of us. I changed my facebook relationship status to single and set my status to

**just doesnt care anymore...**

I got tons of comments, mostly from my mum, tawni, Nico, Grady and zora. But I ignored them all. Because it was true, I just didnt care anymore. Suddenly, someone knocked on my apartment door. I nearly jumped out of my skin, such a loud noise in the silent apartment. I got up, knocking the remote whizzing across the floor to rest next to the door and made my way to the door, taking as long as I wanted. I sighed and reached out to open the door. But before I could even touch it the door flung open to reveal Chad, looking a bit red eyed an distressed. I gulped to refrain from bursting into tears or punching him, and said in a shaky up-and-down voice

'what do you want ch-chad?' I asked, putting my hands on my hips after checking that there were no stray tears on my pale cheeks.

'portlyns left me and the reporters have gone. I dont have you anymore, please. Please help me' he said miserably, sniffing as if he'd been crying. Him. I raised my eye-brows

'l-let me get this straight. You broke up with me on live television, after having an afair with your co-star and made a lot of money on the story. Then portlyn left you, so the reporters left because there wasnt a story anymore. And now _you_ come to _me_ for help?' I said, my voice getting louder and higher the longer I spoke. Chads cheeks went red and I looked at the floor.

'uh yeah, I guess' he muttered, still not looking at me

'and what if I say no?' I said, keeping the angry tone or else the tears threatening to pour down my face would fall.

'then i'll have nowhere to go' he said, still staring at my floorboards

'why? What about your apartment?' I asked him, my voice not so angry in my curiousity to find out what happened.

'portlyn took it in the break up agreement' he mumbled

'what?' I said incredulously 'you wernt married, you went out for practically half an hour! And you just let her take your apartment? We went out for 2 years and all I got was these-' I said pulling up my cardiagan sleeves to reveal the red scars on my wrist

'SONNY! You cut yourself over me!' he yelled, grabbing my still fragile wrist in his hand. The scars then burst open again and red blood came runing down my arm and onto his hand.

'ow!' I screamed, pulling back my hand and wiping the blood on my sleeve 'look! Now you've got my blood on your hands, you happy?' I said angrilly 'get out' I screeched, opening the door again, gsturing for him to walk out of it

'sonny, we've gotta get you to a doctor. You need those scars stitching up' he said, grabbong my other hand and trying to bring me out with him. I cowered back and withdrew my hand from his

'get off me! I dont need you to rule my life any longer!' I said, my voice getting high and loud again, tears finally running down my cheeks. My tears mixing with the blood on my wrists.

'sonny I care about you... hey someones ringing me!' he said the last bit cheerfully, pulling out his phone which was playing the Mackenzie falls themetune. 'shh its portlyn' he said, hushing em and pressing accept call. I could only hear what he was saying, so their conversation from my pov went like this:

'let me hear you say hey! Greatest actor of our generation on the line!'

'…...'

'oh, hey babe!'

'…...'

'what? Really!'

'…...'

'so I get it back?'

'…...'

'yeah! Sure you can'

'…...'

'of course i'll get rid of her'

'…...'

'i'll do it now'

'…...'

'all right'

'…...'

'I love you too'

'…...'

'peace out babe!' *call end* Chad put his phone away with his 'cdc' smile on his face.

'so sonny, portlyn's took me back so, I think its time to go solo. Well, for you anyway, I gotta go be with mah new lady' he said, grinning and wlaking out of the door

'peace out sukkah!' he yelled, running down the corridor. The door swung closed with the wind rushing from behind him. I stood there for a second, looking at the brown wood of my front door. My vision blurred with tears. I'd promised I wouldnt cry over him any more, but I couldnt help it. It was him with the ego problem, not me.

_You act like you're on fire.  
Living your delusion.  
You just need you to take you higher.  
Off you go. _

I sunk to the floor, my back facing the door. The tears had long stopped but I still shook with the tearless sobs. I picked up the remote that lay next to me from when I jumped up earlier, and switched on the tv without bothering to sit on the sofa. A flickering image of Chad running towards portlyn popped up on the screen. A headline:

CHORTLYN ARE BACK TOGETHER!

sat at the bottom of the screen with a voice over comentry of the video saying: 'Chad Dylan cooper was seen leaving ex sonny munroe's house earlier today. Then the actor drove over to his co-star portlyn, who broke up with mr cooper earlier today,'s house. Then portlyn and Chad kissed passionately and-' at that point I switched off the tv, retching. I did not want that image in my head. Rather than upset, I felt anger rise up inside me.

I threw the remote at the tv and it smashed, the glass fragments showering down onto the floor. I stood up and looked around my apartment. I saw the open floorboard in the corner, the blade sitting next to it. I saw the pools of blood dotted around the apartment and my yellow, blood covered sundress i'd deposited on the floor. I saw the ripped up photos littered across the floor and the broken tv, surrounded by shattered glass. And last, I saw my phone on the floor, the picture of me and him, separarted by a crack that could never be fixed, not completely anyway.

'off you go, Chad' I said in a small voice 'you dont need me, you just need you to take you higher'

_You can make the call when you're ready,  
I will not be there to help you break the fall. _

I saw my phones cracked screen light up with an incoming call as I packed a small bag and put on some shoes. It lit up 3 more times while I pulled on a coat, chads face popping up on the screen everytime. I stepped out of the door, leaving the phone in the middle of my trashed apartment. Looking in for the last time. I then turned and made my way to my destination. As I walked the streets of la at night I saw the latest headline on tween weekly through a shop window:

PORTLYN DUMPS Chad AND TAKES EVERYTHING

I laughed bitterly and carried on my way, spits of rain beginning to fall, cooling my red face, rubbed raw from crying. I walked to the centre of a bridge on los angeles river. I saw the inky blackness of the river below it. The water rushed past with such intensity that it would knock anyone over that happened to wade in, and most definitely drown anyone who fell in. it was god, because that was what I wanted. I sat down on the rickety bridge's wooden floor and pulled out a paper and pen from my bag. I scribbled this note on the paper, barely able to see in the moonlight

to whomever may find this,

hi, my name is sonny munroe. You may have known me from so random or my website, but if you dont its okay. If you knew me then you may ave heard about my relationship, and break up with Chad Dylan cooper. He broke up with me because he had an afair. He messed me about and I cannot live with it anymore.

Because of this I am sorry to say that I am committing suicide from this bridge. My body may or may not be found in the water below.

If you can, please tell my mum I love her and that i'm sorry

love, sonny munroe

p.s. You can keep the uggs, they're real

I took off my genuine wool uggs exposing my bare feet to the bitter air. I shivered and folded the note up and put the uggs on top. Put one foot on the bridge railing, but before I could stand completely on top I spotted Chad stood on the bank of the river.

'Chad!' I cried, standing up on the railings 'Chad, I cant do this anymore'

'please sonny! Please dont do this, I love you!' he shouted, a tear rolled down his cheek simultaniously with the one running down mine.

'do you Chad? Do you really?' I said bitterly 'because you dont! I loved you but you never loved anyone but yourself'

'thats not true, sonshine' he said, running closer

'dont call me that' I spat 'i've had enough of this Chad, you've messed me around for too long'

'please, give me another chance!' he cried, getting down on his knees. Suddenly a rush of wind blew past me, causing lashings of rain to hit my face and me to wobble dangerously close to falling. I took a deep breath to steady myself

'no, Chad. I will not be there to help you break the fall. Goodbye Chad' I cried, stepping off the railings into the freezing water below. I hit the water at nsome speed, just hearing a chorus of 'SONNY'S!' my cast had come to see me off. I smiled under the water feeling the water invade my lungs and taking away the last of my breath. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was chads blurry figure, just above the surface, his hand reaching out for me

_And now you wanna pretend that you a superstar,  
And now you wanna us to end, what's taking you this far.  
don't tell me that your done as far as we go,  
You need to have a sit down with your Ego (Ego)_

When everyone's gone and you all by yourself,  
You know that you gonna come to me for help.  
don't tell me that it's time for going solo  
You need to knock some sense into your ego (Ego [x4] )

And when it's time for you to come back down to.  
Where you started, but we parted.  
I think you'll find that it's very hard to face.  
Reality's a simple thing.

Chad sat alone at the funeral of alison 'sonny' munroe. The rest of so random were sat on the front row along with her mum. Chad was sat on the back row, head bent, dressed all in black. A single tear ran down his cheek as the vicar said 'and now we commit her to the ground' the rest of the guests step forward to watch as the coffin was placed underground and dirst pilled on top. But Chad stayed sat, crying silent tears for the only girl he ever loved. How he wished it didnt taake her death over him, to make him realise his love for her. And now it was to late and the reality had set in

_And now you wanna pretend that you a superstar,  
And now you wanna us to end, what's taking you this far.  
don't tell me that your done as far as we go,  
you need to have a sit down with your Ego (Ego)_

When everyone's gone and you all by yourself,  
You know that you gonna come to me for help.  
don't tell me that its time for going solo  
You need to knock some sense into your ego_..._

**soooooooooo watcha think? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review,m reviews keep me living :)**

**so yeah if you do want to give me a birthday gift either give me a nice review or pm because im not telling yuh where I live. But i'll tell you its in one of the only towns in britain with a cathedral that isnt a city, its in the north west of England, and I live there :D. if you can guess which town I live in then i'll put an a/n on this one-shot and announce how awesome (and stalkerish [no offense]) you are ;-)**

**okay so this 13 soon to be 14 year old has gotta go cus im going to a pijama party, so its like 6 o'clock and nim in my amaizng primark pj's and uggs so asta la vista baby :D**

**lots of lurve**

**rionaaa **

**xxxx**

**p.s. OMG I just noticed, this oneshot is TEN PAGES LONG how good is that, considering my record is 8 its VERY GOOD!**


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